


Ghosts

by Tourlouxx



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Phil's friend that died, nothing graphic though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 12:08:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14112003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tourlouxx/pseuds/Tourlouxx
Summary: After Phil runs into someone from his past and starts acting strangely, Dan is left with a lot of questions.Basically, Phil used to be in an abusive relationship and tells Dan about it.





	Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in this fandom! Enjoy:)  
> There's nothing graphic. It's all from Dan's perspective. They only talk about the abuse.

They were on their way to rehearsal. It was barely 8 am and they were already tired. Dan had snored all night and Phil had left all the kitchen cabinets open and Dan inevitably bumped his head into one of them. It had sent them both into a frenzy and they ended up bickering all morning. Dan knew, objectively, that in this mood they were not going to have a productive day. Tour was only a few weeks away and they really needed to get focused.

He also hated fighting with Phil.

He extends an olive branch in the form of Starbucks and even though Phil hesitates he inevitably takes it.

That’s where they are right now. A couple silently annoyed at one another that isn’t quite ready to apologize just yet but they’re about to, in a line at Starbucks. As they are about to reach the register the man in front of them turns around and seems to recognize Phil. Phil freezes.

“Phil, long time no see.”

“B...Brian”

They stare at each other awkwardly and Dan feels like he is intruding. Alarms are going off all around in his head.

“Well take care. I’m in a hurry.”

“Bye.” 

And with a pat on Phil’s shoulder, he leaves. Phil visibly flinches at the touch. They both follow him with their eyes as he exits.

“Who was that?”

“Just… Just someone from uni.”

Dan is still concerned but he can see Phil clearly doesn’t want to talk about it. And they are both still in a mood from this morning. So he drops it.

-

As they continue walking towards rehearsal Phil says something that surprises him.

“I’m sorry.”

What? Phil never apologizes first after their domestic arguments. He always waits for Dan to cool off and make the first move.

“I shouldn’t have left all the kitchen cabinets open. I know it annoys you.”

“It’s ok, Phil. I overreacted… I’m sorry for snoring all night.”

Phil snorts at that, “So you do notice.”

“Twat,” Dan says, and slightly shoves him in the shoulder.

They both laugh and with that they’re fine. They are ok. They are forgiven. Because they are Dan and Phil, who both have their annoying habits but are able to overcome them because they love each other. Because they know that in the end, this morning didn’t matter.

-

Except something remains off. Phil has always had a wandering mind. It’s something that both annoys and charms Dan. But Phil is just plain gone today. Completely aloof. 

It’s a busy day rehearsing, planning, rehearsing and more planning and more rehearsing. It’s tiring but that’s ok because they both love it. Or they usually do. Phil doesn’t seem to today. He is going through the motions of the show on autopilot. His eyes look empty. His smile just the tiniest bit turned down. Most of the crew doesn’t notice but, then again, most of the crew hasn’t been dating Phil for 8 years.

As soon as they get a second alone Dan approaches him.

“Hey.”

Phil is distracted looking at something in his phone. He responds with an uncommitted noise.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just seem… off today”

Phil flashes him a small smile.

“I’m just tired. You kept me up all night and not in a fun way.”

“Hey! I said I was sorry.”

“I know. I know,” Phil looks around and makes sure no one is looking, holds Dan’s hand then leans in to peck him on the cheek, “I’m ok, babe. I swear.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

-

Three days pass and Phil is still not acting like himself. He’s closed off. Quiet. He’s just… not Phil. 

The house feels cold, somber. Dan feels like there’s a delicate balance that’s bound to break and he doesn’t know what to do. He has never had to tip-toe in his own house before.   
Every time Dan tries to bring it up Phil either shrugs it off or acts annoyed and, “I said I was fine, Dan. Drop it.” 

The biggest altercation happens one morning over cereal.

“You sure you’re ok?”

“Yes, Dan,” short, clipped, loud, angry.

“Fine. Jesus. Fuck me for trying then.”

-

They have sex that night. Phil’s mind seems a thousand miles away. He doesn’t look into Dan’s eyes the entire time. The kisses feel cold. The touches mechanic. Dan feels like he wants to cry.

As soon as they are done, Phil wordlessly stands up to throw the condom away and returns to lie in bed. Back facing Dan. 

Dan feels at a loss. He doesn’t know what he did wrong. He’s both sad and angry because Phil isn’t sharing whatever is wrong with him when they are supposed to be partners and best friends. He is tired of this silence. Desperate for answers. But mostly, he’s just so fucking worried. This isn’t his Phil and there’s something causing him pain and he wants to fix it, but he can’t unless he knows what’s happening. 

In the lowest voice he can manage he reaches out and begs, “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“How many times have we been over this? Nothing’s wrong.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Dan…”

“Would you at least look me in the eye after you fuck me?”

Phil blanches at that statement and turns around immediately, only to be horrified at the sight of Dan crying. 

“Dan, love. No, don’t cry,” he hugs Dan as tight as he can, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“I just wish you’d trust me with whatever is bothering you. I’m scared, Phil. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“I know. I know I’ve been distant it’s just… it’s… hard to talk about.” 

“Then just tell me that it’s something hard to talk about, don’t just pretend everything is fine. Remember what the therapist said.”

During Dan’s hardest depression days their relationship had taken a hit so Phil had agreed to come to therapy as well. They had both received counseling and had agreed to talk to each other more. For Dan to be more open and for Phil to do the same. Their relationship had come out stronger than ever before. 

“I know, babe. I know, I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.”

“I just wished I wasn’t so in the dark. I mean… I don’t want to force you to say anything if you really don’t want to but I’m just…I’m just so worried, Phil.”

Phil sighs, disentangles himself from Dan’s embrace and sits up on the bed. Dan mirrors him as they intertwine their fingers. 

Phil looks down at their joined hands. Quiet, pensive. Time seems to go on and on and Dan starts to think that he won’t say anything at all. Then, in a tranquil voice…

“He hit me.”

Dan’s heart freezes in his chest, “what?”

“He hit me. For a whole year, he hit me, and I let him,” calm, soft, yet fearful.

He looks up and meets Dan’s eyes for the first time. His lips are drawn in and his eyebrows curved up. He looks… almost apologetic.

Dan is frozen. A thousand scenarios had gone through his head; this hadn’t been one of them. He feels like a hole has been ripped in his chest and makes it hard to swallow. There are so many emotions coursing through him right now but there’s one big underlying one. Anger.

“Who?” he asks, mostly because he just doesn’t know what else to say.

“Brian.”

And then the realization hits him like a ton of bricks.

“The guy from Starbucks.”

Phil just nods.

They just stay quiet for a long time and Dan starts taking deep breaths in an attempt to assuage the rage within him. Phil needs Dan to be serene and take the news as a mature adult. Even though the only thing he wants to do right now is track this asshole down and kick his fucking ass.

“It was a long time ago, Dan. It’s ok”

“I just can’t stand the thought of you being hurt like that.”

Dan takes their joined hands and brings them up to his mouth so he can kiss them. Phil looks up, eyes watering, fighting his own tears. Apparently he gives up because looks back down and lets them flow freely.

“What hurts the most is not… is not him… or even what he did it’s… it’s Tyler”

Tyler. That rings a bell. Phil’s uni friend, the one who…

“It was a year Dan, a whole year and I just felt so powerless,” Phil voice breaks, he starts to sob, “I didn’t have many friends and the ones that I did have just didn’t notice and I didn’t tell anyone and then Tyler… Tyler he… As soon as he saw a bruise he forced me to tell him what was going on. He rescued me and got me into therapy and he cared when I felt like no one did and then… and then… he just…”

“He died,” Dan finishes.

Phil breaks down completely and Dan gathers him into his naked chest. They are both complete messes. Phil sobbing loudly as Dan cries silently trying to hold it together for the man that stole his heart. A man that is so kind and so happy that he can’t imagine why anyone would ever want to hurt him. The sole thought of it makes his heart split in half.

“He seems like such an amazing person, Phil.”

“He was.”

“Because I would’ve fucking killed him.”

It scares him. This rage inside him. This primitive and possessive feeling that makes him want to hurt. He’s never ever felt anything like this before, so he is surprised when Phil draws back to look him in the eye and places a hand on his cheek.

“I know.”

Dan gives him a surprised look and Phil chuckles.

“You’re passionate and hard-headed and stubborn and that’s why I love you. Because you stand up for what you believe in and what you care about. If I told you in that coffee shop who he was you would’ve taken his hot coffee and thrown in at his face. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”

Dan looks down in shame. Even after 8 years, he is still surprised at how well Phil actually knows him.

“But Dan the reason why I was so affected by seeing him is that I hadn’t thought about him in so long. Because I’m happy with you and I’m settled and we’re successful together. I’m excited for our future and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. And then we saw him and I was suddenly reminded that he still out there probably hurting others and then I remembered Tyler and how much I miss him and much I wish he was here because you two would really like each other and how many memories we missed together and how much it sucks that he’s gone.”

They both stay quiet for a while after that. As if processing and accepting the gravity of the situation. Eventually, Dan speaks up. 

“I wish I’d known him. I really owe him one.”

Phil releases a wet chuckle and crawls into Dan’s lap to kiss him deeply. It’s not sexual nor is it meant to be, it’s an act of pure devotion and love. They are both still crying and the kiss tastes like tears but it’s warm and it feels like home. Dan doesn’t believe in heaven or hell but he knows that Tyler would be proud of Phil and the man he’s become, he truly believes it. 

They both dissolve into the sheets and hold each other as they fall asleep. After a while, Phil is softly snoring but Dan’s mind is still racing. He still not sure how he would react if they saw Brian again; it still scares him what he might be capable of. But Dan is also left with a newfound sense of wonder and amazement for his significant other that now thrived stronger than ever. Phil, despite having been through so much, always had a smile on his face, always brightened up his day, took care of him when he couldn’t take care of himself. Phil was so brave and Dan wanted to kick himself in the face for not realizing it sooner.

As he drifts off to sleep, he can’t help but think how fucking lucky he is to have Phil Lester as the man he’ll spend the rest of his life with.


End file.
